My Obsession with Time

I am obsessed with time.

I spend a great deal of time planning my time, concerning myself with being on time. And above all, fixating on whether my time is “well spent.” It is one of my personal quirks that I am fully aware of, and very uninterested in changing.

In many ways it is a good thing. I like keeping an accurate calendar and respecting my time and others. I even go back in my calendar and update it to reflect what happened rather than just the plan. If a meeting runs longer, I record that. If I wasted 45 minutes doomscrolling, I record that too. It is an excellent record of how I have actually spent my time.

Lately I have been reflecting on the shadow sides of my fixation on time. I find that sometimes I don’t allow myself the space or time to take rest, fearful that I am not being “productive enough.” (What is that anyways? At no point have I ever said that my big dream was to be productive). I once read an article that listed timeliness and puctuality as culturally built from the dominance of white culture, and I think about that a lot. What would actually happen if I didn’t live and die by being on time? I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not yet ready to change.

I have also been pondering the difference between “time” and “influence.” Time is perhaps just a measure of “being there.” But influence… that is a measure of making a difference. Wouldn’t increased influence and reduced time be a worthy measure of success?

If you’ve never seen the movie About Time, I highly recommend it. This is one of the few films ever that has caused me to think about and change how I live my life. As a result of watching this movie, I often think about showing up in ways that are more present, and choosing to live my life in a way that I would not re-do it if given the chance.

I haven’t answered all of my questions about my relationship with time, but I have come to two conclusions that I take forward.

I will continue to live my life on time. I want to honor and respect others by respecting their time. By doing what I say I am going to do. And arriving and ending at the agreed upon time is one way that I choose to honor and respect other people.

Now here’s the tough love, the hard truth, the hot take, the unpopular opinion:

Work-life balance is a decision you make on what must happen. The immovable boundaries. You don’t have balance because you haven’t put a stake in the ground.

As you begin (by now, end?) your New Years resolutions, consider this.

• What boundaries must I set to enable the life I want to build?
• Where do I have to say “no” to make room for my chosen path?
• What will you decide must happen? Tell everyone.

I would love to hear how you view time – and learn from you! I hope this is the year we put a stake in the ground to anchor our goals.